What’s in a name?

I guess I should explain the name “Nobody Hits On The Fat Chick.” To make a VERY long and horrible story somewhat short….at least shorter than it could be…When I was 27, I was brutally raped. I will only mention this one rape here as it is what really caused me to start putting on weight.

A friend and I had gone to a local restaurant for a girls night out. It was a Friday night, and the restaurant was crowded so there was a wait. So we decided to go to the bar while we waited. I ordered a bay breeze, and she ordered a beer. There was a small group of guys sitting at the bar, they seemed pretty down to earth so we started talking to them. They were talking about acting and singing (supposedly my would be rapist acted in Hollywood…after all, he had an actors guild card…how was I to know it was fake?) At some point my friend said “you should hear her sing!” After several people asked me to sing I gladly burst into the “Ave Maria.” I am not one to be shy, I was used to being on stage, used to putting myself out there and it takes a LOT to embarrass me.

Finally our drinks arrived and after a few sips, my friend, being friends with the bartender asked him to watch our drinks while we ran to the bathroom. When we got back the bartender had my friends drink pulled back towards him, but mine was still sitting where I had left it. I never finished that sea breeze. After about a half a glass, I began to blackout, and the next thing I new I was being helped out to my friends car. Somewhere in the conversation it was decided we would go back to the guys apartment.

One of the guys (my would be rapist) jumped into her car and said I’ll ride with you! So there we were following the car in front of us to some apartment, by this point I was out of it. I vaguely remember calling my mom and apparently my would be rapist took my phone and spoke to her. I have no idea what was said.

When we arrived at their apartment my friend along with one of the guys helped me inside. Once inside my rapist begged me to come listen to him play the guitar and sing. He claimed he was shy and so, I followed him. Once in the room everything sort of went blank. I could her myself screaming. I could feel his hands first covering my mouth and nose then around my throat. I tried to fight but with the weight of his body on top of mine, I was unable to move. I focused on a candle burning on the nightstand….it felt like hours! I raped and sodomised several times.

During all of this my rapist kept saying was “you are too pretty not to have me in you.” Those words stuck with me. A few days later, after having gone to the hospital, and speaking to detectives, I was getting out of the shower when those words replayed in my head. Over and over I could hear them. It was then I punched the mirror and thought “never again! You said I was too pretty not to have you in me?! Well, I will change that!” That morning I ate an entire cheesecake for breakfast. Because you see in my mind, at that time I thought “if I become fat, really fat, no one will think I’m pretty and no one will hit on me.” Hence the name “Nobody Hits On The Fat Chick.”

Please don’t get me wrong. I have never been an extremely skinny girl, a size 10, 12 at best, and I do not think heavy women cannot be beautiful. I just thought I wouldn’t be. I am now closer to a size 30. Sometimes I think I might still pretty, but trust me, confidence is not my issue. My problem now is my health, my heart.

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